In continuation with the previous post, did you all guess how things will turn out to be? I believe you all have.
He and I started talking. Eventually, I realised he has a “mature” mind that constantly asked about things that I found difficult to discuss. I don’t entirely blame him because he was doing his post-graduation and I was an undergraduate in the first year. He asked if we could meet and I politely declined, laying the blame at the door of having strict parents who do not let me go out meeting guys alone. But he is after all a smart person. He understood that I wasn’t willing to meet him and in reality, I wasn’t because I wasn’t comfortable being alone with him. Eventually, we talked less and less. I kind of figured out that he only wanted to talk when he was bored, deriving entertainment from my innocence because apparently I didn’t have a boyfriend as of yet and he couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to simply have a fling. Soon we stopped talking. He got busy with studies and I got busy with mine.
He would text once in a year, ask if I got a boyfriend as it was an enjoyment for him to listen that i was still single then talk other things and disappear again. I found out through facebook that he got a job in Dubai and nothing could have made me more happy for him because even though we talked less he would share few things which showed how serious he is about his career.
Years dragged on, but somehow i would still remember him once in a while thinking maybe if we ever meet I would at least let him know that at one point of time I had crush on him. He changed over the years, became more sincere towards what he wanted to do in his life. I saw another post of his on facebook, showing his shiny Audi and i was happy again for him. Watching him doing so well in his life inspired me. I wanted to achieve good things as well, work hard honestly and see it paying off. I wanted him to be proud of being friends with me. That guy is super smart and intelligent. Sensible and responsible, able to take care of things around him. He knows what he is supposed to do and plans out everything. In someway he did understood my reserved character and adjusted a little bit around it which I honestly appreciated. But I am not naive and I am not a fool. I knew that I would never become an important friend for him. I tried to re-ignite our friendship but the ball wasnt in my court.
The last time we talked, it was he who texted me first. It has always been him. He told me he was the Vice President of his department and honestly i felt so insignificant. I gave up. We talked well and he said he is coming back home in a month’s time. I knew i wouldn’t be able to meet him because i would be in some other state pursuing my higher studies. I still tried to talk to him, make conversation, talked about football because apparently i found one thing common between us. But all to no avail. I couldn’t push myself anymore because after all there has to be something called self respect and he again had lost interest in talking to me after few exchange of conversations.
He came back home. I saw it on facebook. There was a girl in his post and there were fire crackers. He had gotten married and i deleted his phone number. I had to take a step back because i shouldn’t think about him anymore. Its all in the past now.
This might sound like I still like him but no I don’t. I see it as a lost opportunity of being in touch with someone who inspires me. I lost him and he would never know this journey he led me on, which i hold so dear to me. Sometimes I do want to talk to him, but i have pride and secretly a lot of ego because if he wanted to stay in touch he would have done that because I had clearly shown that I would want that as well. And so i closed a door and locked it because its of no consequence now.
Despite everything, the happiness of your crush coming into your life on his own after years is something novel and precious. I am grateful for all the little memories he gave me. He inspired me. He was indeed a BLESSING.
Rea1405 