I won’t deny that I find it difficult to stay connected to reality and not drift off to a world of my own. It is hard to stay focused these days, even while reading or writing. There is a humongous amount of course that I have to complete but my mind is wandering off to places and people and what could have been. This is impacting my productivity. I am slowly spiralling into thoughts and made up situations that won’t matter after a year. The thing is I know what my priorities are and I want to work towards it but somehow I am unable to focus for more than ten minutes. There are things I want to do, a person I want to become, dreams I want to fulfil but if I keep being this then how will things go in the right direction.
I want to enjoy what I am doing and I want to be happy about it. Killing my peace of mind, overworking my body, making unnecessary comparisons is creating an immense amount of toxicity in my life. It is holding me back from making friends or having fun in general. I want to be happy but I don’t want to lose myself in the process of upgrading my software.
I will find a way to be happy again. It might take time but I have all the patience I need. It is a waste of time not being happy and not treasuring everything I have. But it is hard to talk to people or socialize when I feel so tired all the time. But you got to do what you got to do. Accepting the reality and flowing with the flow is easier said than done but that’s what has to be done. There are times when the thoughts in my head will explode my brain, making it harder to keep myself focused on my priorities and what I am doing. But I will find a way out somehow. I will have to.
Rea1405 