It took me a long time to come back here and continue with the story. The reason I want to do this is next month will complete a year of all that had happened and therefore, before it starts I want to leave it all behind and move on entirely. So here goes….
On my birthday we had planned to meet and buy a gift for me. It was a jacket of sorts which had swept me off my feet. We were supposed to hangout some time in the evening but before that, I was going to meet him. Of course I wouldn’t tell her that and I knew I would be back well before she came to my home. I was still with him when she called saying she is standing right outside my house. My heart dropped because I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain where I was and with whom. She figured it out because I couldn’t answer her properly, I didn’t want to lie. Things went crashing down after that. I kept calling her to meet me but she wasn’t even picking up my call and when finally she did she said she doesn’t want to meet me because she might lose her temper and say things that would never be unsaid. I still insisted on meeting, just once for a short time. She finally agreed and we met at the place where we would sit hours on end to talk. That was the last time we met. She clearly said that I will have to choose between him and her, whom do I want in my life because she hated him so much that anything related him, she couldn’t stand even if it was me. But the reality is that there is no choice, because for me I could neither choose her nor him. Both stood at a different position in my life. When I said I wouldn’t choose then she herself chose to leave me and she left.
Some of her words pierced through me but I feel she must have felt pretty terrible too because she felt betrayed. I understood her point of view but she could never understand mine. When I look back I see all the compromises I made to keep this friendship intact which I would have never done for anyone on this planet. Even when she lied to me for years, I made sure she shouldn’t feel the need to hide anything from me ever again. I adjusted freely on who I was, on things that I stand up for, my morals and my values I gave it all a sideline to give her front and centre because of my belief on the sheer permanency of our friendship. But things don’t last. She left and she will never come back.
Now its time to close this book and put it on the back of the shelf where it will be forgotten. I carry on with no regrets because I know I gave my all, even more than I could have given. I hope she does well in her life but I am never turning over the pages of this book ever again.