Be home to Yourself.

We always try to find a home in things around us, like a place, a person, a feeling or maybe a thing that reminds us of a feeling like home. But are we home to ourselves?

Anywhere is home if you are home to yourself.

Where ever we go, if we lose ourselves to things that do not define us then it isn’t a mystery why we would feel lost. We need to hold on to things that matter to us. It can be your goal, why you are working hard, the things that you like, things that make you feel you because this is what home is. And if you are home to yourself then you need to take care of it which begins by first respecting it. You have to understand that it will get battered by rain and hail, the scorching sun and dry winds. You can’t take the damage lightly and expect to feel good. A home requires maintenance. You need to look into all the cracks and crevices and fix them as and when necessary. You need to apply a protective coating of paint from rust and termite, change the furniture as and when necessary, renovate parts that have miserably fallen under ruins.

It is you who should love your home because it is always going to stay with you. Do not try to turn it into something beyond recognition because you should feel at home to yourself. Your thoughts about yourself matter. Things you like and you don’t like matter. People will influence your decisions, they will make you feel as if what you want is stupid and far from your reach. But you need to stick to your individuality because you lose when you lose your individuality. Don’t let anyone demean your thoughts, things you believe in, your principles, morals and rules of your life. Every home has rules it follows and non-negotiable factors which you should abide by because that’s what the reality is.

Don’t ruin yourself, don’t ruin your home.

Story Time: The One from back in school, Part 1.

I don’t remember when I saw him, or what was the situation when I saw him in but what I know is, when I saw him, I couldn’t forget him. He was ingrained in my mind, a source of my happiness and the blush of my cheeks. I used to look at him from afar because he was one of the school appointment, I think Junior House Prefect, and I was just a little girl who got stupidly hooked up on a guy at first sight. A small glimpse of him used to make my day, make me smile that smug smile. How I wished he would notice me, talk to me. I was in 7th or 8th class and he was in 11th, I guess. A guy of 11th notice a little baby of 7th? Not possible! Its too much to ask, too much to expect, and beyond the horizon of what I should even dream. Just one more year for him to pass out from school and then completely disappear from my life. I don’t remember feeling upset or felt the pangs of missing him after he passed out from school. The truth being told, I forgot all about him. His existence, his face and my feelings. There were other people and much more interesting things were happening in my life. A girl of tender age is bound to forget her former crush, because after all, he was out of sight and so out of mind.

Some years later, I finally made a Facebook account, and it was fun. I was very careful while accepting friend requests. No one unknown were allowed in my friend list even if they were from my school. I hardly had the habit of going through the friend requests list. But one fine day I opened my Facebook account and checked my notification. I saw friend request from someone whose name was similar to a friend of mine from Church. Apparently we weren’t Facebook friends at that time, so I randomly clicked on the profile to check out what he has been up to. FYI, I hadn’t accepted the friend request yet. My mind was wondering, I wasn’t particularly paying attention to what I was doing. Muscle memory prompted me to check the profile picture which I hadn’t. So I clicked on it but the face wasn’t that of the friend from my church.

It was a familiar face wreathed with a smile that used to give me premature ventricular contractions. This face was what I waited to see early in the morning during the school assembly or maybe catch a glimpse by chance while walking around in the school corridor. It was the face that I hadn’t seen for years and never thought of seeing again. It was the person I didn’t even dream would ever bat an eye towards me. But there it was, his friend request waiting to be accepted. I tried not to make a big deal out of it but I pushed aside my rule and accepted the friend request of my previous, long lost crush.

I didn’t expect much to happen after that because it never entered my brain that we would ever start talking. But as soon as I accepted his friend request, he sent over text saying Hi. I couldn’t believe it. The turn of the events were beyond surprising. At that point of my life, I already had a lot of people around me, many other crushes, and this one was an ancient history. But never thee less, I replied and we started talking.

Before I step into to tell what happens next, let me just throw another bit of information about myself. During those years, I was careful as to not let anyone with a dirty mind and improper habits to be my friend. I used to stay away from such people, especially guys even if I liked them. And hence I was always careful about whom I interacted with. Can we guess where this is going?